Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's Day (sigh)

Happy Valentine's Day Readers! Although lame, cheesy, and often disappointing, I know you're all secretly craving a Valentine's day card, box o' chocolate or, if you're me, a jug o' wine. This morning when I checked my email to scour the grand influx of well wishes clogging my inbox, I was shocked at the inconceivable notion that I had but one, from my loyal blog reader and dear friend, Jana Lia. She sent this card from, possibly the best ecard site out there. I firmly recommend if anyone feels down, depressed, anxious, or like jumping off a bridge, they first visit this site and revel in the hilarity of the sarcastic, spot-on, raunchy, timely cards that aren't afraid to tackle any topic, no matter how taboo. This particular card made my day, because, as Jana Lia pointed out...what IS it that Meatloaf wouldn't do? (For my young readers who don't know this song (the horror), please do yourself a favor and click this link.) Perhaps there is a Meatloaf guru among us who knows the answer? If not I can only speculate and invite you to do so as well:

1) Allow backdoor entry with foreign object? (too obvi?)
2) Wear a thong and parade around the room?
3) Serenade his love with Dashboard Light for the 500th time?
4) Exchange necklaces adorned with vials or each other's blood?
5) Watch a Party of Five marathon?
6) File those scary nails and take off that weird costume from the video?

If anyone has the answer, inquiring minds would love to know. Until then, hope you all have a romantic evening with your significant other or, if alone, that you survive the annoyingness that is Valentine's day. And remember, Dear Readers, I lerve you all.


  1. If it is on the internet it must be true.

  2. Dan Savage's definition of "Pegging" perhaps?

  3. Very cute. Those are difficult choices...??? I picked 5…

  4. FINALLY there comes a day when a Meatloaf guru is needed. Well, you are all in luck because yours truly JUST so happens to be one! (this goes for the food as well, not just the singer) Let me help shed some light on the conversation at hand. First off, you are all wrong. Meatloaf would, without a doubt, do all of the above mentioned. He is a freak, and I mean a FREAK when it comes to what he would do for love. (And food for that matter) In fact, the highly produced, wildly imaginative, 7 plus minute cinematic magnus opus "I would do anything for love" is actually a video response to Beyonce's conceit that all men should "put a ring on it." Yep. His song is a proclamation, a DECLARATION for all men to stand their ground and say "NO, we will NOT put a ring on it, single ladies. However, we will still offer you love and we will do anything for that love, (except commit) now get over here and GIMMIE DAT ASS." It was a noble effort, ladies, but us men just can't be held down. At least not on Meatloaf's time.

  5. This is the longest song I have ever heard! Now I know what I woudn't do for love... listening to it for a second time!!!

  6. Amy, this was the best Valentine's Day gift a girl could get... being the inspiration for your blog. I am love-d. As for your musings on what that thing could be, I'm pretty sure it's number five also. Though, I'd probably do that for you. Only if you did it with me and we made a drinking game of every time Neve Campbell paused unnaturally in a sentence or the kids referred to each other as "Char", "Bay", "Jul" and -- horror of horrors -- "Claud". Oh yeah, then there was Owen, who I forever wanted them to call "O" but I think they didn't because they felt bad that he looked, well, special. Anyway, then we'd be really drunk and might do all the other things on the list. Except maybe number 1 (too obvi?). I know I'd definitely serenade you with "Paradise by the Dashboard Light", which I'm sure I've sung at least 500 times because it is one of the best rock ballads EVER and who in their right mind can deny the power of the combination of Meat and Jim Steinman???? It's like pooh-poohing Elton John's relationship with Bernie Taupin, and I will not have it.

    It never felt so good, it never felt so right
    And we were glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife - Come ON! Hold on TIGHT!