It’s official. I'm old. And what gave it away, do you ask? Well, it all started with some crafts . . . I’m not talking Minecraft or witchcraft, people. Nothing as interesting as that. I'm talking about making freaking arts and crafts.
Working at a journal in Manhattan, I’m expected to stay current on social media (ugh). We recently created a Pinterest page at work, and that’s where it all went downhill. As I trolled around the site learning how to use it, I was suddenly lost in a magical world of recipes, DIY, home décor, and crafts.
It was innocent at first. I saw some cute ideas for Halloween—mummy candles made by wrapping gauze around a mason jar, vampire pumpkins, using a drill to make artful jack-o-lanterns. The possibilities were endless. At first I just “pinned” these ideas because I liked them. Then I started to think . . . hey, I can do this!
Before long, I began to go to sleep thinking about crafts I could make, and wake up with the intention of executing them. I became a frequent flyer at Michaels and AC Moore. I’ve made mummy mason jars, turkeys out of mini pumpkins, gourd candle holders, reindeers out of wine corks (and boy, do I have a LOT of wine corks). My crafts began to take on a life of their own, so much so that for Christmas I was given a craft box to organize all the ribbons, buttons, googly eyes, and other shite I’ve started to accumulate. Friends expressed concern, my father called me “Martha Loser,” my brother asked my mother in confusion, “Why is she so into crafts?!”
Others expressed relief. When focused on crafts, I'm not as cray as usual, and it keeps my anxiety, bossiness, and neurotic tendencies under some semblance of control.
This past weekend, a friend who I was going to visit texted, asking what I wanted to do over the weekend. She mentioned yoga, pedicures, shopping, and then said, almost shyly, “or we could do nerdy crafts.” My eyes lit up like a slot machine. Jackpot! A partner in crime. “Should I bring my craft box?” I replied. And though we got teased mercilessly all weekend for being craft nerds, we had a great time with our creations and drinking wine. The result: the Valentine's Day wreath below (no, it's not a toilet seat cover like my brother thought, or a life preserver).
So readers, if you’re wondering why I haven’t been blogging so often, now you know. I’m too busy a craftin’. And this is how I know I'm old. Instead of going out dancing or partying or socializing, I'm content with my new hobby. This may seem like a cry for help, but trust me, it’s not. If crafting is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. I am a craft addict. And I like it.
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Speechless. Just. Speechless. (Except this one thing: Please note that AmyMC still tries to pretend she's not into crafts with those of her friends who have expressed concern.)
ReplyDeleteAfter I pop this baby out I am going to have some major roids. Luckily I can borrow your "valentines donut" to sit my sore arse on. Craft on my friend, craft on.
ReplyDeleteOK! So I admit to aiding and abetting. Amy asked me right before Thanksgiving if I wanted to do crafts together... I said sure! She came over with all her supplies and proceeded to boss me around and make me do all the work! (anybody surprised?) That's why those pumpkin turkeys are so cute! OH and for the record, it was fun :)
ReplyDeletePlease. No. Stop. Why do I keep refreshing to see more tormenting comments?
DeleteDo you want to hear more about my hemroids?
DeleteWait, I thought crafting made Amy less bossy, or at least that's what she said...
DeleteIt was hard to believe, and obviously it wasn't true.
Anyway, cruising, complaining, crafting, etc. All these are symptons of becoming old, but all together are something to worry about.
Freeburn: A resounding yes!!! Who wouldn't?? I can tell ECOL does because he already went down that road with his googly-eyed poop comment. Anyway, I hope your roids aren't too bad... Amy says that's where the name Freeburn came from anyway. Good luck, to ya, sistah.
DeleteI think it is absolutely wonderful that you have a new hobby. Sure, you've always had drinking wine as your one constant hobby, but this one is a little more..constructive? (See what I did there? That was a pun since when you craft, you construct things, as well as this being constructive in that it might get you out of that deep dark hole your alcoholism has put you in.)
ReplyDeleteThe great thing about crafts is that it really makes you look at life through a different lens. Specifically it makes you wonder "would that look good with googly eyes on it?" And the answer is always YES. And I defy any reader of this blog to name one thing that does not benefit from a fun pair of googly eyes. Take a piece of poop. Now, I know what you're thinking. "Ewww thats sooo gross...POOP!?! Are you out of your mind, ecol?!" Haha, no, no, of course not! But think about it. You put two googly eyes on a piece of poop and suddenly you have Mr. Hanky, the beloved character from South Park. See what I mean? As a fun exercise you should all think of some unexpected things to put googly eyes on.
Amy, don't worry about the naysayers or the "haters." Look at Martha Stewart. She built an entire empire off of making household crafts. I mean, yes, it also led her to prison, but hey...orange is the new black, ammirite? Keep crafting'
You have to give more information about this 'crafts' thing! Never heard about it here in Barcelona, buy my mum is retiring in a couple of months and she could be interested. She is already in patchwork, but all this stuff looks like a lot funnier!
ReplyDeleteJosep, crafts is like taking something from around the house, like an empty toilet paper roll, and making something out of it, like a mary jane pipe. I was super into crafts as a teen. Amy, why not come over and start up the whole crafts phenom in Barcelona??? Wait, there are already toilet-roll smokers selling friendship bracelets and braiding the leftovers into their mullet dreads, so maybe they actually have heard of it but it's called something else. Like "activitas per a la gent gran" or something.
DeleteDile que vingui i que fem crafts junts!
ReplyDelete