Post-Holiday Annoyance

‘Tis the season for post-holiday depression, and judging from the mass of eye-sagging zombies on the train to Manhattan this morning, I’d say there is a greater chance of suffering from it than swine flu. And it’s no wonder people are twitching with post traumatic stress. For weeks we’ve been corralled into roped off checkout lines at department stores while buying gifts we know nobody will like, spending crazy amounts of money despite the "current economic climate", dealing with irritating family members en masse, taking “stock” of our lives and feeling bad about where we are, eating obscenely and then moaning about our love handles, and so on. Yet year after year we put ourselves through this ridiculous frenzy only to come out feeling like complete shit. And no, I am not just a sour, angry person who opened a blog to complain to anyone who will listen—I usually love the holidays! But this year I’m just not feelin’ it people!

My affliction, however, is slightly different. Rather than depression, I have post-holiday annoyance. Things that I usually tolerate are resulting in visions of going postal dancing around in my head. Today on the train, for example, I noticed a girl smiling dreamily into space while looking at her blackberry and I was horrified to see my reflection of utter disgust in the train window. I could bombard you with more examples, but I don’t want to dwell or bore. Instead I think I’ll narrow it down to sounds.


Top Ten Annoying Sounds (in no particular order of annoyance)

1. sniffling, sneezing, coughing*, especially the martyrs who come to work doing so while simultaneously spreading their germs across the office
2. eating an apple
3. the repetitive scrapes of a spoon against a plastic yogurt container as one tries to get every last bite*
4. slurping on coffee
5. multiple people typing busily away on a computer*
6. heels clicking with self-importance across a hard floor
7. children screaming, crying, whining or talking in general
8. munching on noisy snacks (mixed nuts and the like)
9. crinkling the popcorn bag at movies
10. Rachel Ray’s voice

*star signifies hypocrisy.