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When I got off the subway and blew across the street as I fought to keep my umbrella right-side-in while dodging other armed and dangerous pedestrians, I quickly nipped into Duane Reade to get honey for my tea. I was on the massive line waiting to pay when idiocy unraveled behind me in the form of an annoying couple. Obviously tourists, they’d stopped in to buy an umbrella and hats.
“I can’t believe it’s hailing,” the girl said.
“Hailing? It’s not hailing. It’s raining. It’s too warm for hail,” her boyfriend said. I sighed loudly. I had just been pelleted by the “non” hail myself.
“Looks like ice balls to me,” the girl continued. “Look, the girl in front of us has ice balls in her hair.” My hand automatically reached to pat my wet, and yes, ice-laden, head.
“Ugh. It is NOT ice balls. It has to be 32 degrees or below for ice. It’s too warm. Don’t be so stupid,” the annoyer continued. I held my breath and counted to ten.
“But look at her hair.”
“That’s just a water droplet. It’s not ice.”
I turned around. “OK, let’s get something straight. There IS ice in my hair,” I said.
The girl cracked a smile while her boyfriend turned red in the face. I ignored his ‘tude and continued. “Ice forms up there…” I said, pointing up. “So it doesn’t have to be 32 degrees or under on the ground for it to form in the clouds. Pah-lus, I was stuck in a hailstorm in Barcelona last year, where golf ball sized ice took chunks out of my plant leaves and left my garden looking like a war zone – AND it was summer. So it obviously doesn’t need to be freezing for hail or ice balls. Mmmkay?”
I left the baffled couple behind and paid for my honey. As soon as I got to work, I googled ice pellets and hail to make sure I was right. Nothing worse than fighting an idiot by being a bigger idiot. Luckily Wikipedia, a sound source if ever there was one, backs me up:
Ice pellets form when a layer of above-freezing air is located between 1500 meters (approximately 5,000 feet) and 3000 meters (approximately 10,000 feet) above the ground, with sub-freezing air both above and below it.
Amy, please stop the hail before I get there. If you find that difficult, maybe you can track down the Weather Genius and he can figure out how to do it, like a really big blow dryer or something? I can't wait to be a tourist standing in line (sorry, on line ... must get vernacular down so will fit in) chatting innocently only to have an angry New Yorker in front of me spin around to tell me what for. Course, you'll be with me, so it could be pretty fun to use our arsenal of ninja turtle and finger-gun moves, not to mention our hanging-by-a-thread PMSy attitudes, to take those muthahs out!
ReplyDeleteDo you want to give truth to New Yorka's being rude?? Those poor tourists! You shoulda told them it was sleet...or is there a difference, could you look that up for me??
ReplyDeleteActually, the one who was rude was the domineering and condescending boyfriend. Interestingly, When I got in the elevator two girls were discussing whether or not it was hailing out, and a big scary man in black top hat said, with a pronounced lisp,thleet, thleet, I think it was thleet.
ReplyDeleteThanks for cracking me up today - I needed that. (I suppose I should also extend my gratitude to Mr. Stupid, immune to fact). When I lived in Bogota it used to hail often - air temp 50 degrees, pingpong-ball-sized hail falling like crazy. Nothing 32 degrees about it.
ReplyDeleteThleet! Yikes!
This would've been the perfect opportunity to spin around and use the pun "OH HAAAIL NO" to confront those two. I mean how often do you find yourself in such a situation? You also could've said 'Listen snowflake, unless you have a degree in meteorology, I suggest you leave the weatha to the experts, before I do a rain dance right here right now and conjure up enough hail sleet and snow to send you back to wherever the HAIL you came from! (maybe using hail twice is overkill, I'll leave it up to the readers disgretion.) This would teach the fellow noob to think before he speaks.
ReplyDeleteHaving fun scaring tourists??? That's not so different to call them "guiris" :-p
ReplyDelete