Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Smells Like Halloween Spirit

Fall is my absolute favorite time of year. Living in the Northeast United States, one has the privilege of witnessing the amazing transformation of the leaves. (Or, leaf peeping as my mother recently informed me it was called. Snort.) Vegetable death and decay mingle with smoke from chimneys to create that comforting autumn smell. And we can’t forget Halloween—my favorite of all holidays. I love dressing up as something evil (witch, vampire, devil) to truly get in touch with my inner demon.

My obsession with ghosts and ghouls probably came about at a young age, when my father introduced my brother and me to Stephen King. King was his favorite author, and when we stayed at his house on weekends, he’d read a bit of it to us before bed. He also took us to see scary films, much to our young delight (and subsequent neuroses)—Pet Sematary, Serpent and the Rainbow, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Candy Man. You name it, we saw it. Of course, while this might have been good to brag to our friends about, as we were the only kids under age 10 seeing this stuff, I still sleep with a nightlight at age 35 and check behind my shower curtain to make sure “Zelda” isn’t lurking.

Every year, when pumpkins blaze from neighbors’ windows and witches and skeletons hang from people’s front doors, I’m reminded of a funny ghost story. It was 1998. I was living abroad in Glasgow, Scotland. My brother came to visit me, and I took him around the city and surrounding areas. One day, we decided to hit Edinburgh, which was a short bus ride away. As we walked around the cobblestone streets, we debated whether or not we should pay the few pounds to go inside the castle. As we discussed the pros and cons,  fate stepped in with a gust of eerie wind, carrying with it a flyer that settled at our feet.

The flyer said Auld Reekie Tours, and boasted a guided visit of creepy underground chambers that used to be part of the old underground city along the Royal Mile...a witches' vault, a torture chamber, and plenty of paranormal activity. What could be more exciting? Then we saw a testimonial on the flyer: “I saw a ghost. I REALLY saw a ghost!” We were sold.

So…down we went, after paying more than we would have to see the castle. A hunchbacked (real or fake?) man in a cape led us and the other gullible tourists into what appeared to be someone’s basement. He pointed out a room that used to be a witches' circle. It was a shadowy corner that we could barely see. Several more empty basement rooms followed. And though it was all dank and dark…I didn’t see any ghosts. In fact, I didn’t see ANYTHING. All the while, “hunchy” told cheesy ghost stories that wouldn’t scare a child, much less a professional horror buff like myself.

At one point the guide turned out his flashlight, making the easily-pleased crowd squeal with delight. Next thing I know, I felt something pelt me. As the lights flickered back on, we saw that he had merely thrown rubber spiders at us. My brother and I covered our mouths to keep from laughing.

As we left the tour, heads hanging, we realized we’d been duped. Not only did we NOT "see a ghost," but not even the torture chamber—i.e., a room with papier mache people being tortured in weird devices—could cheer us up. To "quoth" a famous raven....Nevermore!

Here’s to hoping your Halloween, readers, is truly frightful! And feel free to tell your own ghost story in the comments box.

10 comments:

  1. How those Scots must love gullible Americans! :)
    Funny story!

    You should check out London Dungeons one day, that's the real deal!

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  2. Amy! We are soul sistahs. Autumn is my favorite season, and I really hope we get one here, and not go just from summer to winter. I love the crisp feeling in the air, the light from the sun (who knew how pretty the Sagrada Familia was with a bright blue sky behind it and an autumnal morning sun at 8 a.m.?).

    I was a huge fan of Stephen King as a kid. I remember my mom reading "The Shining" when I was about 11. The cover was silvery with just a face shadow on it. She wouldn't let me read it at the time, and of course now I'm glad. But I did eventually read it. I read "Pet Sematary" in the car at night on the way from Colorado to California. Probably not too smart, what with all that open road.

    I still have to make sure closet doors are closed at night so the Boogeyman doesn't get out. I'm not a huge fan of scary movies, and now have to see them in the daytime or with someone, preferably who I'm spending the night with. As a kid, my best friend's dad took us to see "Hell Night" and, even though I lived about a half a block from them, he parked his car in the garage and made me walk home. In the dark. With these huge trees we had growing up to cover the street lights. I am pretty sure he also said "Watch out for 'Garth'" as he shut the door. I had never moved so fast in my life. Plus, nice friend's dad.

    San Francisco has (or, had) the best Halloween parties ever. One of my favorite costumes was when I went as "Carrie" (thanks again, Stephen King!), but there was a drag queen who also went as Carrie and when we saw each other we just stared as if each trying to start a fire on the other's blonde blood-soaked wig. Brilliant.

    Also fun is going to the pumpkin patch with my niece and nephew, where they also have a corn field maze, and having my 6-year-old niece come up with the idea to hide in the maze and jump out at her 8-year-old brother. He got so scared he fell on his butt. Ha ha ha! Love her. All the other girls in her school went as butterflies and princesses, and she went as a ghoul. Girl after my own heart.

    On a final note, the Tower of London in the middle of December, by yourself, is pretty freaky. I always want to go to the torture museums there but no one ever wants to go with me. Next time you're over, Amy!

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  3. Opposite to our favourite blog writer, I have managed to avoid watching scary movies all my life, not to talk about Stephen King books. My parents never tried to torture me with this films (probably because I was scared just to watch 'Jaws', so it was better not to try anything else.
    And once in my 30s, I can remember watching two of these films. One was 'The Mist'. Ok, that was not scary... it was funny. It looked like a joke. The other one was 'The Others'. This last film may look not so scary to most of you horror film maniacs, but it did scare me a couple of times. And maybe if the girl that came with me was thinking like you Jana, that it's better not to watch it alone... she probably changed her mind when I jumped on top of her at the moment the old lady on the film opened the cupboard..

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  4. @Josep: The Others is a very scary movie!! You have to plan your sleepover in advance. Or you could have been trembling and suggested you stay at her house because you were so scared. After all, we don't need another hero!

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  5. @Josep. I believe I saw "The Mist" with you. And as I recall, you didn't find it funny. You were practically hiding under your chair. Sarry.

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  6. Actually, there are (as far as I know) two movies titled "the Mist".

    The first one is directed (and written, and composed, and arranged, and everything) by John Carpenter, and the 2nd one is based in a Stephen King movie and is more recent. The truth is that most of John Carpenter's films tend to look kitsch with the time and this particular one is one of his first films

    Anyway, my most scary moment happened when I was like 7 or 8 years old, in Portugal with my family. My father found funny to hide with my mother while my brother and I where playing... When I noticed they weren't with us I thought they had abandoned us in a foreign country and I felt like "what am I going to do now????"... When I told my brother (who is 4 years younger than me) and he started crying, then my parents came out behind the car they were at, laughing while trying to calm us...

    It's curious how most of our fears are caused by our parents just to have a funny moment... I guess it's "the natural way of human life"

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  7. Haha. Man, that ghost tour was so funny. Aside from throwing spiders, he also threw those snap thingies that make a loud pop on contact. What a joke. Not even an actual ghost sighting could've saved that shit show. But it was worth every penny!

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  8. @Andreu: That is horrible!!! HA HA HA... your parents sound like my kind of people.

    Speaking of those snap thingies ECOL mentioned, when I was a teen (and even, er, the last couple times I was in California at Halloween) I used to go to Knott's Berry Farm at Halloween, when it is called Knott's Scary Farm (get it!??!?!). Basically it's the same amusement park but with employees dressed up in scary outfits with LOUD things in their hands and on their knees and they bang them at you or jump onto their knees and slide toward you and scare the beejesus out of you for one second and then you laugh at yourself the next.

    Last time I was there one of the more twisted employees went up behind a woman with a small child (she was about four or five?) and was creepily saying that he ate small children. The woman turned around and said that was mean and he shouldn't do that and he replied, while staying in character "You shouldn't bring such a small child here" and maybe there was even a muahahahahaaa! after. Or was that from me?

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  9. Nothing is scarier than waking up to the smell of Chinese food and then realizing it's just your bff sleeping next to you who keeps farting.

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  10. Wait. I thought I was your BFF. And surely I would NEVER do something so foul. It must have been your "other" BFF. Since you only have two.

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