‘Tis the season for post-holiday depression, and judging from the mass of eye-sagging zombies on the train to Manhattan this morning, I’d say there is a greater chance of suffering from it than swine flu. And it’s no wonder people are twitching with post traumatic stress. For weeks we’ve been corralled into roped off checkout lines at department stores while buying gifts we know nobody will like, spending crazy amounts of money despite the "current economic climate", dealing with irritating family members en masse, taking “stock” of our lives and feeling bad about where we are, eating obscenely and then moaning about our love handles, and so on. Yet year after year we put ourselves through this ridiculous frenzy only to come out feeling like complete shit. And no, I am not just a sour, angry person who opened a blog to complain to anyone who will listen—I usually love the holidays! But this year I’m just not feelin’ it people!
My affliction, however, is slightly different. Rather than depression, I have post-holiday annoyance. Things that I usually tolerate are resulting in visions of going postal dancing around in my head. Today on the train, for example, I noticed a girl smiling dreamily into space while looking at her blackberry and I was horrified to see my reflection of utter disgust in the train window. I could bombard you with more examples, but I don’t want to dwell or bore. Instead I think I’ll narrow it down to sounds.
Top Ten Annoying Sounds (in no particular order of annoyance)
1. sniffling, sneezing, coughing*, especially the martyrs who come to work doing so while simultaneously spreading their germs across the office
2. eating an apple
3. the repetitive scrapes of a spoon against a plastic yogurt container as one tries to get every last bite*
4. slurping on coffee
5. multiple people typing busily away on a computer*
6. heels clicking with self-importance across a hard floor
7. children screaming, crying, whining or talking in general
8. munching on noisy snacks (mixed nuts and the like)
9. crinkling the popcorn bag at movies
10. Rachel Ray’s voice
*star signifies hypocrisy.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Post-Holiday Annoyance
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Hey grouch!
ReplyDeleteYou sound like Ed! I hate crinkling popcorn and sweet bags too. And noisy munching. You forgot mobile phones. I hate people who don't turn off the keypad tones! Why???
NOTHING is worse than the sound of someone sucking on their teeth after they've eaten....really grosses me out!
ReplyDeleteDitto to the above re teeth sucking...been there! Literally. Also, I suffer from both post AND pre-holiday annoyance. Pre-holiday, I got out of my car at a red light to berate (thru his open minivan window) the older gentleman who had pulled out 10 feet in front of me six blocks earlier. Too much? Well, he did put down the phone long enough to cringe at my rant...After wiping the spittle from my chin I wished him a Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeletePersonally, the most annoying sound I deal with on a daily basis is emitted from the mouth of a person that sits in a close proximity to myself. Said person makes multiple calls per day with a tremendously loud voice that would impress God himself(herself, whatever). It's a booming voice that defies any notion of volume control. It powers its way into my ears and breaks my concentration with reckless abandon. The annoyance level gets kicked into its highest gear when the calls become personal and I am forced to listen to him inquire to his girl friend if they should 'just stay in and order a pizza'. Good query my friend, good query.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing everything I'm thinking! It's good to know I'm not the only sound-sensitive person.
ReplyDeleteI think you just hate people... but so I do. I love silence...
ReplyDeleteFlatulence*
ReplyDeleteEating an apple is def #1 in my book, followed by raw carrots and cereal. I also agree about the teeth sucking.
ReplyDeletePlus, can people not clip their fingernails in the privacy of their own home?! Even then, my neighbor downstairs insists on going out onto his patio to do it ... while he WHISTLES!!!!! Help!
ReplyDelete