Monday, March 22, 2010

Have a Nice Day

A cheesy Bon Jovi lyric to some, a staple American phrase to others, but ah…sometimes it's really nice to hear!

This weekend as the sun radiated warmth for the first time in months, I took my bike out on the local trail. No sooner had I started pedaling when I was bombarded by a steady stream of “Hi,” “How are ya?” and “have a nice day!” from the multitude of sun seekers who had crawled out of the woodwork.

Even the disgruntled teenage youths slouching down the path with hoodies and streams of cigarette smoke trailing behind them waved as I raced by…as did small children, already trained in the art of polite greetings. Time and time again I found that I had to turn back and shout “uh…oh…yeah…you too!” all too late, surprised and impressed at the unexpected friendliness that I’d missed in ten years of living abroad in a country where the best I hoped for was a cluck of the tongue and a scowl from other pedestrians.

And even though I was born and raised in the U.S., coming back after all these years, I still can’t get used to it…the friendliness. I remember staring in dumb confusion as a check out girl at the supermarket said “Hi, would you like paper, plastic or both?” in a chipper sing-song voice, or feeling slight shock at the waitress at Applebee’s who bellowed “Hi, my name is Wendy, and I’ll be your server today! Can I start you folks off with some drinks or appetizers?” or the unfounded suspicion that slides over me when people strike up convos in the elevator at work or tell me to have a good one as they step out onto their floor. What a difference from Spain, where, even in the most uppercrust of restaurants, it wouldn’t be shocking to merely get a bored “dime” (tell me) as a salutation, and where I was never greeted by any passerby, anywhere, except in annoyance.

“Yes, Americans say have a nice day, but it’s fake…superficial,” several Spanish friends said when they defended my comparison of New Yorkers to Barcelonians. And maybe that’s true. One had to work hard to break the ice in Barcelona, especially as a guiri (derogatory term for foreigner). In shops, I found I had to be aggressive and sometimes rude to get any respect, or speak Catalan instead of Spanish (instant bonus points from those shopkeepers who got a kick out of foreigners learning their language and not just Spanish!). But once that ice was broken, people tended to open up and really let you in. We in the U.S. may say have a nice day to anyone who will listen, but do we mean it?

I like to think that it doesn’t matter. When someone says it to me, it forces me to smile and say it back, and I get an instant “high” that lasts for a few minutes or sometimes longer. Does it matter if it’s superficial or fake if we start someone’s day off right? Make them feel important for a second? And my personal favorite—get someone to smile?

As I passed a family sitting by a pond on the bike trail, I suddenly heard a deafening chirping all around. The father, decked out in knee high baseball socks looked up and said: “I think it’s attack of the frogs!” followed by a dorky laugh. My first reaction was to make a face and say “Herdeeherrr” under my breath (thanks for that trait, Dad). But instead I let myself get drunk off the good vibe. “Yeah!” I said, smiling. “Crazy! Who knew there were so many frogs this season!” And even on the way home, when I met the same guy at the same pond, and he repeated verbatim his earlier comment about the frogfest, I smiled in acknowledgement and said “Yes, wild! Those crazy frogs! Have a great day!”

6 comments:

  1. Wow! A remarkably uncynical sentiment!

    I wish I could say something similar about coming back to Britain. Out on my bike today, the only comment levelled at me was 'OI! Watch where you're f*cking going!' It took a few seconds to realise I was the object of this vitriol, seeing as I did not come within 5 foot of the guy...the fact that his girlfriend told him to be quiet seemed to vindicate me to. Glancing back over my shoulder before I turned the corner, I'm sorry to say that the stereotype of tracksuited young white male ASBO-magnet was embodied in this safety-conscious citizen.

    We've mainly resisted the trend towards US-style cheeriness in this country, fake or otherwise, mainly because we're terrible at it. Shop Assistants will occasionally chirp 'You alright there?', as though you're not quite sure what the correct procedure is when in a shop, but generally they prefer to chat to one another, a la Spain, and treat serving customers as an tiresome interruption to folding jumpers or re-stocking shelves.

    I once went to TGI Fridays (not my idea) in Covent Garden, an excruciatingly embarrassing experience, as the waiter insisted on introducing himself and butting in every 5 seconds to ask if everything was ok. I know it's common over there, but it's so irritating. And it just doesn't work in a British accent.

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  2. Having spent the last ten years saying "I canNOT get used to people smashing into me on the street!" and also hearing Americans being put down for saying "Have a nice day" (and not just from the Spanish.. you know who you are), I must say I completely understand. When I go back to the States, I am startled by being asked how I am, and I must admit that often I find it annoying. But I always end up thinking that I'd much rather have someone knee-jerk a "Have a nice day!" then to knee-jerk an "Es imposible" before my query is even out of my mouth.

    In fairness to the locals in Barcelona, it's routine to say hello and good-bye upon entering and exiting shops, and elevators! And often I've had other diners pass by me in a restaurant and express their desire for me to enjoy my meal.

    Too often those of us from cultures where we use more polite language or interactions complain about the perceived rudeness of the people here. We try to remember cultural differences, but in the end, I know from experience that even a fake good mood can rub off and make you and others feel better.

    Maybe working at Dia supermarkets sucks more than anything, but wouldn't it be easier to smile and say hello or "That'll be 10.50" than to just scowl and point at the cash register screen while staring under heavy eyelids?

    There must be a middle ground somewhere, though, as last time I was in California and went for a walk around my mom's neighborhood, I reported back to my friends in Barcelona: "It was really nice because I went out for a walk and everyone I passed smiled and said 'good morning!' On the other hand, everyone I passed smiled and said 'good morning!'"

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  3. @Baron: But at least you've got the "Sorry" thing going for you. And all the "please"s and "thank you"s. In Barcelona I can have the wind knocked out of me by someone charging out of the shop into the street, and that person will then flip me off and tongue-cluck, but in Britain if you open a door the same time someone else was about to open the same door from the other side, everyone stands there saying "Sorry" for ten minutes. One British friend here had a theory that the threat of bodily injury keeps the "Sorry"s coming, and that maybe some of the Catalans just needed a can of whoop-ass opened on them to shape them up (no offense to anyone "bien educado" who might be reading this).

    And just so you know, I find the constant butting-in during a meal irritating as well. When I first went back to the States after moving here (after about a year and a half), I was so taken aback by the waitress's constant attention that I said to my dining companions "Can't they just stand in the back, smoke cigarettes and ignore me like I'm used to?"

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  4. I think this whole entire world would benefit from a general level of politeness, genuine or fraudulent. I do my part. I hold doors for the people behind me, I throw my blazer over a puddle if I see a really hot female trying to figure out how to get around it, I take the street side of the sidewalk when strolling with a girl in case a renegade car comes barreling out of control towards us. (although, I may rethink that one..). I mean look, I get annoyed when people don't reciprocate. For instance, I would never dream in a million years that I would ever want to place my shoulder into an elderly womans chest... yet that sensation comes over me during rush hour when a wall of people start entering the train while people are trying to exit. It's all about respect, people want it. And for anyone who might claim that friendly service is fake, who cares, you're paying for it. Face it, would you rather have a stripper be indifferent and rigid oooor making you feel like she is really into you? Exaaactly.

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  5. Amen Eric...amen. You took the words right out of mouth. Especially the stripper part.

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  6. umm - I guess I may be biased but I acknoledge the fact that people in Barcelona are hardly nice.
    On the other hand, I normaly met people in Barcelona at the time when everybody was going to work or back from work. In other words: when they were tired and pissed off because they were going to work, or tired and pissed off because they came from work. At that time of the day, maybe you are not in the mood to start smiling to everybody yelling "Have a Nice Day". How many people say "Have a nice day" in the metro when you go to work in NY??? Or we could also talk about Dan, the Hollywood video manager...

    On the other hand, what happened when you were riding your bicycle in the mountain near your house. Didn't people say "bon dia"? I think they do.

    In any case, I agree with you in something: it's not so hard to be nice with people, and everybody feels better when everybody is nice, so why can't we all be nice with each other and enjoy it? On my case, I always say hello to the bus driver when I get on a bus, keep doors open for people behind me, and smile and say hello to all blonde american girls I see on the street!

    PS
    Notice I used Barcelonians in third person. I don't like them either. The rest of Catalonia calls them "pixapins". You can tranlate that...

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